


I'm No Man

by beastlybolt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Dean, Coming Out, Dean in Makeup, Dean in Panties, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Lingerie, M/M, Masturbation, Misgendering, Online Relationship, Self-Hatred, Slurs, Supportive Castiel, Top Castiel, Trans Dean, Trans Female Character, Transphobes Are Unwelcome To Read This Fic, Transphobia, and I'm done tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10089431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beastlybolt/pseuds/beastlybolt
Summary: Dean's a normal guy five days a week. He loves boobs, loves being an asshole, and will deny anyone who tells him otherwise of him being anything else.Saturday and Sunday, 'that' Dean is gone. Out of the picture. Y'see, Dean ditches the flannels and parts his hair with gel to make it look cuter, puts lacy undergarments and even bras on while skyping his boyfriend. Yes, you heard that right, BOYfriend.And she's not a he. She's a she, and she's just an innocent girl trying to keep up with what life throws her way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Dean is an asshole to herself, misgendering at the beginning, also don't think you need to come out of the closet like I feel it's sort of hinted at in this fic. This is fiction and should be treated like it's fiction. Hurtful language and Dean being transphobic towards herself (it's a thing. I know, because I have trans friends and I'm not cis.) Read the tags to know what you're in for, it's a long road but has a happy ending for everyone. Another note: You are 100% valid as trans even if you don't get body dysphoria like Dean does.

Dean's straight as an arrow five days a week. Yup, manly man who is 100% heterosexual. He wears nothing but flannel, styles his hair into any boring straight-guy haircut, just a little longer than buzzed. Hits on women, catcalls even, and inevitably pisses each girl off in different ways and variations every time.

Yes. He loves boobs, loves being an asshole, and will deny anyone who tells him otherwise of him being anything else besides just a normal guy. 

Which leaves out the weekends. Ah, yes. Saturday and Sunday, 'that' Dean is gone. Out of the picture. Y'see, Dean ditches the flannels and parts his hair with gel to make it look cuter, puts lacy undergarments and even bras on while skyping his boyfriend. Yes, you heard that right, BOYfriend. And yeah, he puts on chick panties and bras, even perfume to feel prettier, and lipstick and mascara and fucking everything else normal chicks he fake-hits on at school the other five days of each week. 

Dean isn't Dean, at least on the weekends. He's not a He. It's she, and she is just a girl skyping her boyfriend whom lives in Massachusetts. He treats her so well. Respects every inch of his girlfriend, Dean or Deana (she says she doesn't care which) and his name is Castiel, a beautiful boy with blue eyes and dark brown almost always messed up hair. 

When they first met over their blogs on the internet, Dean wasn't out as a girl. No, she still blogged about girls and boobs and being a pretty dick of a guy. Castiel had seen one look of her profile and got to message her once, and after that one conversation, Cas and Dean were hooked. Castiel knew the fake male look was a sharade. Mutual agreements were made that they'd continue to talk to eachother. Dean talked about how much she loved her little brother, and how much she loves playing games with him, and how she has a girlfriend of her own. 

Dean didn't seem to care about her 'girlfriend' the first time they started sexting.

Cas teased her for hours and hours, days and days about her made up 'girl' to keep up her macho man image. Deana just rolled her eyes and shook her head, saying she was still in the closet quietely not ready to tell anyone who she really was, what she really liked, who she really liked. 

Dean had been transitioning all by herself, slowly wondering what the hell was happening and why she felt so awful about buzzing her hair, wearing Carhartt clothes and hearing her low voice when she speaks. It wasn't her voice. It wasn't her body. She liked boys, like girls did. Had plump lips like a girl. Everything about her was just plain Girl. She knew something had to be done, had to be said. But not to her parents. Not to her awful peers at school, or to her douchebag friends. She told Cas with tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, "Cas I - I'm not a boy. I just, I don't feel like one. I hate my voice, I-I hate my clothes. I fucking hate my life." After sobbing for an hour with Castiel's words of comfort, reassuring her that she can be anyone she wants to, and if she wants to change her name or what to refer to her as, Cas will be there every single step of the way.

After months of facetiming, and awhile after trusting Cas with her identity, they finally exchanging locations and agreed to meet up, and Dean fell absolutely in love with the way Castiel could look like a complete nerd with his glasses and ugly trenchcoat to find he was not only a weirdo, but also a secret sex god with an amazing low commanding voice. It turned Dean on in more ways than she could explain.

They had sex the second night of Deana's fourth coming, and Cas went slow and told Dean all the words she begged to hear from everyone in her fake lived life. 

"You're so beautiful, Dean, my gorgeous girl, she likes it like this, right? She feels safe? Happy?" Cas whispered in her ear from behind, slowly but surely inching back into Deana's ass with a thrust. Dean whimpered a yes, and felt as though she was flying and Castiel was her wings. Dean nearly came right onto Castiel's poor bedsheets when her short hair was being pulled at on a particularly hard thrust inside, and after moments of changing positions to see what is comfortable for both, they came together, Cas inside Dean and Dean with a scream all over her boyfriend's stomach. 

Yeah. That was their first of many times, and Cas had visited Dean and her home before too, meeting Sam, meeting the parents.

"He's just a friend from outta town," Dean would tell them. "we barely see eachother much, so I invited him up here for the weekend. We'll just be in my room, okay Mom and Dad?"

"Alright son," John nodded, not noticing the way Castiel flinched slightly at his girlfriend getting misgendered. Right, she's not out to anybody besides him. 

They'll never see Dean for who she really is. They won't see Dean interact with her boyfriend, at least in a romantic or seductive way. Their relationship is hidden from everyone in Dean's town and Dean's family and friends, nobody can know. Luckily Castiel's town, friends and family is a different story.

Castiel's family was huge, to say the least. And welcome, warm. Comforting. His siblings were a hoot, and didn't flinch when Cas called her his girlfriend. Didn't care that she doesn't pass as a girl, just simply would say 'hi Cas's girlfriend' and move on. She cried happily into Cas's shoulder with his hands cradling her to his lap right after the dinner they shared with Castiel's family. She got to hear people call her what she wanted, acknowledge her for who she is. 

"I will always be here for you, Dean. Will always love and care about you," Castiel rubbed Dean's back with soft but fervent fingers in circles again and again. 

"I love you, angel." was Dean's response every time. 

 

During a particularly steamy skype session, with Dean's door locked and the tv playing loud so it'll block out both their moans, she put on her makeup for her boyfriend and her push-up bra, along with the lacy panties. She lazily stroked herself as Cas eased her through it, not letting her dysphoria hit mid-fun time. He talked in dirty promises of what he'll do to that ass when he flies up the next day and stays for a whole week, longer than just the two days they normally get in person together. 

Mid-stroke, Dean gasped. 

"No. Way."

"Yes, way, honey bee."

"Shit, babe! That's amazing!" She hollered, putting her dick back into her panties, even though it still bobs between her legs and sticks out obviously. 

"Deana," Cas chuckles, attempting to calm her down. 

"Babe, we're gonna have so much fun. We can, we can go to the mall, we can have sex like, so much more than we already do. Oh! And you can come with me to school! Shadow me, come with me to every class, say you're thinkin' a' coming to my school. We can be together all day, and-" Dean talked excitedly with her hands all over the place, and completely forgot about getting off all together.

"Yes, Deana, we are going to fulfil all of those activities, but have you forgotten what we were doing?" Cas hinted by staring directly at Dean's cock, wrapped tight in the beautiful panties.

"Oh, this is gonna be so much fun, Cas! You can meet my teachers, only the cool ones, Mrs. Harvelle and Mr. Singer are my favorite. I really think you'll like them too, I mean, I know I do. I hate Mr. Sharp, he can go suck a fuck more than half the time I'm always getting in trouble for shit I didn't do-" Dean trailed off, ranting and telling stories of school and the people of the classes she enjoys or loathes. Castiel just forgets the skype sex, listens to Dean and her stories, waiting for the time to come 'til he can see his beautiful girl once again.

 

When Castiel shows up, Deana picks him up alone in the Impala so that they can greet eachother properly like couples do. They run to eachother, right there in the airport, and Deana just jumps right there in his arms and kisses him, kisses the love of her life. 

"God, I fuckin' missed the hell outta you, baby. Couldn't stop thinkin bout you, us. Gotcha under my skin," she murmured, tracing her big hands all over Cas' shirt, straightening the imaginary wrinkles and Cas stops her with another breathless kiss. 

"There he is! Castiel Novak, the man himself!" John greets, pulling Castiel in a bear hug right as the two enter Deana's home. Cas barely allows himself to breathe as the bigger man hauls him in for a hug. John has always loved Cas, always loved Dean and Castiel's 'friendship.' He has no clue, and he hopefully never will, Dean grimaces. 

"Hi sweetie, we've been missing you. Dean can't keep his mouth shut about your adventures together. It's great to have you home, Cas," Mary does her usual hello, and Castiel hugs her tenderly, unlike how John hugs. Cas has evidently been in Kansas at their home many times before, enough to get used to the Winchesters and their shenanigans. He's accepted into the family like a brother to Dean, but little do they know....

 

Later that very night, Deana dresses up in her usual, girly clothes with somewhat curled hair, push up bra and nail polish she would scrape off before the night ends so her parents don't ask questions. They just cuddle tonight, not wanting to get into anything that would make them get loud, besides, Cas has jet lag and Dean just feels like being pretty. She only gets so many hours getting to look like this before it needs to be taken off. 

"You're gonna come to school with me, right baby?" Deana asks an already half-asleep Castiel, who just simply hums lazily and trails his fingers reassuringly into her fuzzy almost-blonde short hair. "Gonna make out with me in the bathroom like normal couples who live in the same state do?" Dean inquires again, her voice just a hint above a whisper. 

"Mmmhm." Castiel is most asleep at this point, but Deana's just so excited he's here that she can't find it in her to care. She smiles to herself, knowing that her boyfriend can't see her but can't stop herself as she leans in and kisses his cheek. Cas grabs her hand and places it in his, holds it, and doesn't let Dean get a chance to take off her makeup or nail polish seeing he made her sleepy too. 

 

The next day it takes Dean all the time in the world to take off her clothes and take a shower, getting ready for the day of pretending. At least she has Cas, she reminds herself, who thought it wouldn't be a great idea or subtle at all if they get into the shower together. So Cas waits it out in Dean's room, already clean and showered and just in Dean's blog.

She pushes the thoughts 'ugly, disgusting, boy, stupid body' right out the window and she washes herself with the soap covered loofa. It's not going to be that kind of day. It's going to be a good one. With Cas. With her boyfriend, who sees her for the girl she really is. Who knows. She steps out and plasters the usual grin on her face for Cas, who hates seeing Dean get dysphoric.

"Hey, beautiful," Cas greets with a kiss to Dean's nose. It tickles, making Deana giggle. He helps her get dressed, trying to choose the right clothes but there's just not something she'd wear to school in front of everybody in her drawers. She just sticks with the usual band shirts that she actually likes, and a ripped up pair of jeans and boots. She doesn't give a shit about her hair, she's not supposed to, because boys should just have short messy hair. 

They have breakfast with Sam and then drive to school all three of them together, dropping Sam off to his school then going to Dean's Wayward High with their hands laced together in Castiel's lap. 

"I think we should just lay low, y'know," Dean comments, gesturing to their conjoined fingers. 

"Oh. Right." Castiel swallows, reluctantly keeping his hands to himself as they step out.

"Yeah. Okay, so, you know the drill, right? I'm just a dude," Dean visibly tenses as the words slip out, "and we're friends. Got it?" she finishes, snapping out of it and forcing a smile that Castiel knows with his heart is awfully fake.

"Yes. I've um, 'got it.'" He makes air quotes. Deana giggles, her favorite thing about him is his total alien-like behavior. But she can't think that's cute right now. She's at school. 

A quick "I love you" and they both snap out of it and get in character, Cas being the friend of a very straight male Dean Michael Winchester. 

First period goes by, and Cas gets to meet all the friends Dean has talked about, both good and bad stories.

"Benny! Benny, this is my friend, Cas," she hollers and grabs at a musky bulk redhead with a beard, already acting totally unlike herself and confusing Castiel to no end. THIS is the Dean everybody knows? 

"Hello," Castiel offers, earning a bear hug that feels a lot like John Winchester's hugs he gives. It makes Cas smile.

"Hiya, Brother! Any bro of my boy Dean's is a bro of mine!" Benny laughs, and oh Lord, does Cas' girlfriend have quite the clique. They're obnoxious, but aggressively sweet, Castiel notes weirdly. Like Dean when Cas first met her, before when she was just the cisgendered male trying to hide her love for men. Dean introduces another guy to him. 

"This is Raph, he's a cool guy, babe, I bet you'll like h-" Dean stops. "babe, dude, guy," Dean chuckles nervously. "we have such weird nicknames." 

Everyone in Dean's possey laughs their ass off at that, and Cas cannot tell if this was a mistake or if this is a good thing. He chooses the latter, and shakes another wide smiled man's hand with a grin and plays it off for Dean. For his girlfriend. This is for her, he reminds himself. 

Throughout first and second period, Castiel suffers through hell watching Dean flirt shamelessly with the girl sitting right next to them in each class. She winks, licks her lips, spreads her long legs out and even goes as far as to make kissy faces at every girl looking her way. This isn't the Dean Castiel knows. This isn't who she is supposed to be. Cas knows that Dean is just acting, but I mean, come ON. This is a little much, and Cas currently feels like he's drowning in a pool of water and screaming for his girlfriend's help but she won't fucking listen. He grimaced as yet another girl walked by the girl and Dean immedietely nodded and bit her lip, making the other girl blush.

Cas doesn't even blink when Dean pulls him away from the gang in the hallway with a 'alright man, seeya later' and drags Cas into the first stall after locking the door during passing period right after second hour.

"Been thinkin' 'bout this, Cas," Dean whispered.

"All day long, just wanted to kiss you, us, just right there 'fronta all those people." 

"Dean."

Dean continues kissing him. 

"Dean!" Cas pulled away. 

Dean readjusts. "What?" 

Cas is angry. Cas is dissapointed that Dean is this much of an asshole to the rest of the world, that she probably does nothing but lie to him, that she's really just a big bully -

"What?" Dean repeats.

Cas shakes his head. "Just - lay low, okay? I'm just a dude, and we're friends. Got it?" Cas spits out, dejected. He shoves past Dean, not sticking around to see Dean's face or hear anything his girlfriend has to say for herself. He doesn't know this school, doesn't know where anything is but he'd do anything to get as far away as possible. 

He gets pushed in every direction from students on their way to their next class. It's passing period after all, and Dean isn't going to the third floor for her next class, so he supposes he'll go there. She has gym on the first floor, so that's far enough away for it to take a while until he gets to Deana again and apologizes. But for now, he's angry. He deserves to be. 

What kind of douchebag is she? Bullying students that are just like Castiel in a lot more ways than one. Hitting on women right in front of her boyfriend like that. It's just unfair.

Finding another bathroom similar to the one he just ran out of on Dean, he sits onto the toilet with the door locked. Picking at the graffiti on the wall, reading it and trying to comprehend it Cas thinks of the Dean he knows. Sweet, selfless, pretty girl Dean. He's thinking too hard. It's been an amazing nine months, but he is only dating the Dean that sits behind closed doors, push up bra and mascara on with occasional lace. Not the hypermasculine, flannel-wearing and shit-talking Dean, who hit on multiple girls who were just simply bending over to snatch the pencil Dean had flicked off the desk. 

Why can't she come out and be her damn self, Cas wonders. He likes her much more. She giggles when Castiel does something that is deemed ridiculous, or wings her eyeliner and asks Cas to call her ass a pussy instead of an ass during anal.

Hearing the bell for third period being over, Cas stops sulking and decides to go to Dean for lunch. He doesn't have anyone else after all, and -

"What are you doing?" He inquires the almost-sinister looking woman with a leather jacket and dark hair.

"Having a cigarette." She answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world. She scoffs and puts it out into the sink, leaving an ash pile in a place it's clearly not meant to be. "Name's Meg. You?"

"This is the mens room." Castiel notes, still bewildered. 

"Well hi, This Is The Men's Room, nice to meet you." She smiles a wicked grin and lights a minuscule sized piece of toilet paper on fire and watches it burn for a bit then crumbles it into the trash. "I come here to have a smoke," she says.

"Hello Meg, I'm Castiel." He offers, still not knowing really what to do. He shakes his head when Meg offers a drag to him, but still, he kinda thinks of saying yes. Dean's only showed Cas pot before, and they enjoyed it for awhile until Cas started having a panic attack over all the hallucinations he was having. Dean calmed him down with shushes and petting his hair, holding him close. 

"Castiel. Huh, awfully farmiliar. Oh! Your boy toy Dean does nothing but talk about you. Says you're the best of friends," she smirks.

"You know Dean?" He asks.

"Yeah. Peculiar kid," she shrugs. "kind of an asshole, kind of a sweetheart. What can you do?" she takes a drag of her smoke.

"I think I'll take you up on that puff," he mutters. Triumphantly, Meg hands Cas the cigarette and he takes a hit, nearly choking in the process.

Meg is laughing harder than she should be. "Ah, Clarence. I like you. That was a good one," she admits, calming down. They're interrupted by the sound of highschoolers rading the lunchroom and passing by the halls, laughs and yells coming from outside the bathroom. Dean storms in, looking sharply to the direction of Cas with a pissed off face, and stomps over.

"Where have you been? Worried fuckin' sick, asshole," she grumbles harshly. Coming over to Cas, she doesn't see Meg and starts kissing Cas with her arms wrapped around his head.

"Huh. Lean Mean Dean, kissing a male Clarence. Who woulda known," Meg chirps.

Dean snaps herself away from Cas and pales instantaneously, yelling "You bitch!" 

"Dean, please calm down," Cas stops her.

"No! She's a fucking runt who'll probably tell everyone all about what just happened. Cas - Is. Is that a fucking cig? What the hell is going on here?" Dean roars. 

She takes the cigarette from Castiel's fingers and stomps on it with her boots. "We tried pot one time and now you're a regular smoker smokin' with this bitch? God, and what the damn hell was that, leaving me in the toilets. I don't even know what I did wrong, what you were freaking out about -"

"I'm out of here," Meg throws her hands up after she gathers her pack of cigarettes up and lighter, but leaving her mess of dark ashes in the sink. 

"Dean -"

"I don't even know what's happening. What's happening." Dean shakes her head, messaging her temple and between her eyebrows with her thumb and pointer finger. 

"Let's go to lunch." Cas leaves. Again.

"Cas, wait -"

"Now." 

 

Lunch is spent with Dean trying to talk to Cas, trying to bring up issues she has caused without Cas answering a damn thing, eating his lunch Mary had packed for him.

So she fucked up. Bad. Or at least bad enough to where Cas is going quiet on her, and everything's not working. This was supposed to be fun. Supposed to be bonding for the two of them, to get to know eachother passed the ugly tiny computer screen. They've met before, obviously, just not for this long before. It's always two days, and on the third, the other is sent out on an airplane all the way back and it's right back to the laptop facetimes. She fucked up. She's trying to own her fuck up, like Cas does when he starts an issue accidently. Because Cas is beautiful and smart and so so good to her. He deserves better. Better than a fucked up closet trans freak who is too much of a damn coward to be herself around anyone close to her. 

It's hurting them. Not just Dean, she realizes. Cas is hurting too. 

With a sigh, Dean gets up off the lunch table and throws both her and Cas' garbage away and ignores everyone else, all her jock friends, all the teachers. She needs to find a way to make it up to him. She might know just the thing.

 

Now, Dean's not much brains. Not much of a good thinker, talker, listener. She's pretty fucked up in the head, repressing herself constantly and shoving everything down under. But she does have one thing, and she'll always have that one thing, thank God. 

She's good looking. Got a nice pair of lips, wide green eyes, a killer smile. She knows how attractive she is, the little shit. 

Dressing up in her prettiest lingerie later that night, while Cas is eating dinner with Dean's family just one floor up, she looks at herself in the mirror. 

If only Cas could cup real boobs, she sighs. Her hand makes way to her flat chest, squeezes nothing but skin there. She doesn't even wanna look under the belt, seeing a veiny hard cock instead of a vagina. 

Dean thought she was comfortable being in this masculine body. Hell, she's almost taller than Cas. Her hairy legs grow back so fast no matter how often she shaves. Her facial hair grows back. Her cheekbones are too masculine, she knows she looks kinda androgynous, but it's just not enough, nothing will ever be enough and changing her name or her pronouns, it's not like anyone will fucking acknowledge it or respect any of it, and just as she feels tears brim her green eyes the door of her room opens.

It's Cas.

Coming in to see his girlfriend staring at herself in the mirror and squeezing parts of her body with squinty, pissed off eyes is never a good sign.

"Oh, baby," Cas rushes in, catching Dean just in time as she falls into Cas' arms instead of the floor, thankfully. 

Her sobs are muffled, but it still hurts hearing them. He whispers words of comfort that aren't really making much sense, they're all over the place but Deana still denies him of everything and it hurts. She's hurting Cas by doing this to herself. 

"'M not," she whimpers, choking on her spit and sniffling mucus. This is so.... not sexy. This isn't how this was supposed to be tonight. Dean was going to make it up to Castiel with sex, enthusiastic blowjobs and bend right over for him like a girl. "I don't fucking look like a girl, dont fuckin' sound like a girl, no one cares!" She screams, and Castiel briefly wonders if her family can hear a floor up. 

"Shh, shh," Castiel wipes the hot running tears off her face with his thumb. 

"I'm sorry, I'm, 'm sorry, so so sorry," she starts sobbing again, muttering sorry over and over.

"What for, baby? For today? That was my fault, baby, you don't, don't need to-" 

"It's my fault, Cas! You deserve a better girlfriend, a real girl. Just a fucking stupid boy who thinks it could be a girl. So fucking pointless." She shakes her head, chuckling humorlessly. Ah, transphobia. Dean being transphobic right to herself isn't fucking healthy and why can't Deana understand that this is why Cas gets upset with her?

They forget sex that night, it's useless. Dean is so into hating her body that she can't even look at herself in the mirror for too long without breaking down. 

 

The next day Castiel expects the same thing to happen. Dean hitting on girls, Dean being a jerk, the whole nine. After the meltdown from yesterday he thinks she can do anything she wants, Cas won't care. Doesn't. They'll just go through the motions, and Cas can fly home early and they can go back to having an online relationship that stays online. 

It won't work, Castiel's brain tells him. She's too far gone, she hates herself so much she can't love anyone until she loves herself. 

Cas almost starts crying in the bathroom thinking so hard. He wants it to work. Wants Dean. Wants Dean to be happy. 

She's not happy with you, Castiel's brain goes on. 

"Cas." Dean says for the third time.

"Yes?" Castiel answers.

"T's goin' on? You ok?" She rubs Cas' shoulders with fervor, getting the knots clearly building up in that area. Dean lowers her voice and whispers into Castiel's ear, "If this is from last night, baby, I'm sor-"

"Stop. Just stop. Don't you understand, Dean? You're hurting yourself and you're hurting me, too." Castiel attempts to meet Deana's eyes. Hers fall to the floor. 

"I just want to be a girl, just so fucking bad, Cas, I-"

"You are a girl, Dean. You're just as much a girl as your mother, or all the girls at this school."

"Yeah, right." She scoffs.

Castiel rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to make you repeat after me, Dean."

"Cas-"

"Follow directions." Castiel commands, instantly turning Dean to butter and eyes wide. "I am a girl."

"Cas, come on, I can't-"

"Dean."

Dean sighs. "I'm a, I'm... a girl. I'm a girl," 

Castiel smiles, petting Dean's cheek with her hand. "I'm just as much of a girl as anyone else if I say so." 

She rolls her eyes. "Just as much a girl as anyone else if I want to be, okay? Happy?"

"Are you?"

Deana really has to think to answer that one. She can choose to be sick, to feel awful about herself all the time, to live a lie. She could do it just like that, how it's been for six months.

No.

This isn't what Cas deserves. Not what Dean deserves either, but she chooses to focus on her boyfriend and his caring for her.

"I wanna be happy. I wanna be happy with you, forever and fucking ever, babe," she meets Castiel's eyes.

"Good. That's a start. I know how hard it is, I know, I do. But try. Just try. For me, honey bee, I want us to go places, and do things, but we can't if you don't try. Now I know everything hurts, feeling like your body doesn't belong to you, right Dean? You feel uncomfortable in your skin. Well guess what? I'm saving up to get you to change that," Castiel's voice had faded to a whisper and his hands drifted to Deana's hair, combing the messiness there.

"R-really? I didn't kn-know, Cas. Fuck, you don't have to-" Dean stuttered.

"Yes I do. I'm making my girlfriend happy," he smiles.

Dean is crying before she can even begin to try holding in the tears.

All this time, she's been wallowing in self hate pitying herself when Cas has been trying to help. How could she be so stupid? It's not the end of the world. She doesn't have to live this way forever. Just one year tops, when they both graduate, they can - they can move in together, Dean can get testosterone blockers, and go on esterogen, and - and it'll all be okay. She'll be okay.

Dean comes out as a trans girl to Mrs. Harvelle and Mr. Singer. Along with her friends with a lot of stuttering, but her friends are patient and kind. She also tells them at lunch that her and Cas are a couple, have been, for nine and a half months. 

"Huh, so you are straight after all," Benny concludes.

"I'm - well, I don't-"

"A girl dating a guy is pretty much the definition of hetero, Deanie Beanie," Gabriel snickers, lightly slapping Deana's ass platonically, in such a way that can only be described as Gabriel. Deana laughs her tears away, greedily taking Cas' hand and holding it underneath the table. His thumb rubs circles on Dean's. 

Next up came her family. 

Sam was understanding. He didn't really get it, the idea of being assigned male but not being male, he just claims that he'll be there for his sister. Dean believes him.

John and Mary are so goddamn caring Deana almost throws up. 

She's John and Mary Winchester's daughter, goddammit. Sam Winchester's sister, and Castiel Novak's girlfriend.

They fly to eachothers' graduation, thankfully both being on different days, and they're so proud of eachother. Dean has grown so much, accepted herself for being just a naturally masculine woman. It's just how it is, and even with the hormones she's still six foot, still androgynous looking. But she's learned to love herself for it. 

In Dean's vows as she wetly explains her love for her new husband, she explains how he not only loved Dean, but taught Dean to love herself. Everyone from Dean and Castiel's school shows up, even Meg congratulates the two with a cigarette between her lips from the audience.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Castiel doesn't hesitate, bending Dean over backwards and capturing her lips sloppily, loving every inch of his re-named wife. 

When they have children, and one of their four kids comes out as a trans boy, Dean and Castiel are there for him every step of the way, along with the other little gremlins.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: fuckthat-bosses


End file.
